Ten Tips To Make This Holiday Season Less Stressful

My experiences with Thanksgiving and Christmas "before war" were wonderful. Christmas lights and decorations beautifully wrapped around our home dressed the holiday atmosphere, wonderful smells of delicious baked goods filled the air, holiday music tickled our ear drums and spending time with friends and family topped the cake. Holiday life as we knew it changed when my husband deployed to Iraq in August of 2006, progressing more difficult each day leading up to the 2006 holiday season. 

On November 11, 2006 my best friends husband, "Jack Jackson" was killed while serving in Iraq.  Three days later on November 15, 2006, my husbands friend and TC (Truck Commander), John Dennison was shot and killed. What we didn't realize is that this would be the first of many we would know who would be killed in war between 2006 and 2007 during my husbands fifteen month deployment.   

When my husband came home for R & R in November of 2006, we spent what little time he had going to two funerals back to back at Arlington Cemetery to honor and remember Jack and John and to visit their families. That November began the change of events during the holiday season for our family. Life progressively presented challenges to our family. After my husband was injured, I became my husbands caregiver, something I never planned for. Through the days and years after my husbands injuries, I learned that Military Caregivers in particular face unique situations and challenges during the holidays.  

Ever since 2006, we've had our share of trials, especially during the holiday season. We know that our friends who were killed in war would want us to enjoy time with our families, but sometimes for a veteran who has survived war, that task is easier said than done. Let's face it, many days throughout the year are difficult (the anniversaries of those killed and injured, the intrusive thoughts of war, survivors guilt and much more). Holidays seem to amplify the regular, every day problems during life after war in many veteran families across the United States.  

Last night, I decided to ask caregivers in the Hope for the Warriors private/closed/secret Facebook group to share tips with one another on how they personally make things easier during the holiday season.

A few of the great tips that were posted include: 

"If you are stressed than they will be also. Allow them to help with decisions, what to buy, how to decorate. Even when you are not a fan of the results." -Angie M 

"Start holiday planning as early as you can. Delegate so not everything is on you. Talk to your vet about how these holidays effect him." -Shannon W 

"Don't be upset when your veteran doesn't want to go to every event. Mine sits in the car until my son's band plays instead of through all the band concert too. All kids have performances right now. Shop on line instead of crowds- better selection too!" -Renita F 

"I LOVE to decorate for Christmas so that always makes me smile. Do not have high expectations for ANYTHING or any event. Just enjoy another year of life and whatever health we may have." Tanya L 

"Start early. Delegate. We normally host the holidays so that way my veteran has an escape if things become overwhelming (he can go to our room). If for some reason we don't host, we keep outings short and sweet." -Shannon P 

Personally, I've learned to pace myself. I've learned I do not have to say yes to every event or request during the holidays. I do what I can, when I can. I set aside time to relax and to reflect on holidays of past while enjoying holidays of present while looking forward to future holidays. When things start to become stressful I turn on holiday music, step back from the chaos to reorganize my thoughts, getting back to the root of the holiday season. I try to keep things as stress free as possible in my home during the holidays. Here we are seven years post injury. I've compiled a short list that has helped our family during the holidays, perhaps some of my tips will help you as well.  

1. Stay calm at all times, your attitude helps set the mood 

2. Don't rush 

3. Don't over extend yourself; know when to say no 

4. Start baking a couple days before the actual holiday 

5. Make sure your family understands your veterans needs 

6. If your veteran requires a "quite" get away to escape to for a while, make sure he/she has a room to enjoy that is a little more laid back away from all of the busyness  

7. Wrap presents as you go. I often shop Amazon, they will even wrap your presents! *Hint, if you shop Amazon, use the Smile Program and please choose Hope for the Warriors as the charity you support.  

8. Share the work by hosting a Thanksgiving or Christmas pot-luck 

9. Be satisfied with, "good enough." Bigger and better isn't always better! 

10. Don't hesitate to ask for help, and welcome help!  
    
    

Don't forget to save a little "me" time during the holiday season and as always, make your health a priority. Here we are in 2014 and I am proud to say that we can again enjoy the holidays together as a family. I still decorate our home, cook baked goodies and invite friends and families over. We've just learned to adapt to our situation to allow us to continue to thrive as a family unit during life after war. Hopefully the tips posted will help you, and if you have tips you'd like to share, I'd love to hear from you!  

Have a wonderful and happy holiday season. 

Much Love, 

Patti K 

Hope Lights the Way

The quality of this photo is low but the high school seniors in this photo are top notch!  Meet Brendan or "B" and his friend Coti.  The luminaries you see on the sides of the road are part of B's annual Christmas project to raise funds for Hope For The Warriors® and to honor wounded service members.

For the past three years, B has purchased paperbags, candles and sand.  Then he solicits donations within his neighborhood and prepares the luminaries along the way.  His neighbors love the lights but the real benefit to B is knowing that he is doing something to help those that have served and sacrificed for our country.

"Some years the donations are high and some years they are low, but to know that I have helped benefit the men and women who fight for this country; it is worth all of the work.  After the bags are lit each year, I reflect upon all I have in my life and am grateful."

This is not the first fundraiser that B has done.  In fourth grade, his father, a Marine, was deployed to Iraq.  At that time, one of the Marines who returned wounded was Lt. Col. Tim Maxwell, whose wife Shannon, was one of the founders of Hope For The Warriors®.  In response, B organized a lemonade stand to raise funds for the new nonprofit organization. 

Clipping from Local Newspaper

B's own father has since deployed four more times--so he knows first hand the service of the men and women in the military.  B has also visited Bethesda and Walter Reed medical centers with his mom, bringing gift bags and talking to the wounded as they focus on their recovery.

"Their attitude and will to heal is a great inspiration to me,  and their spirit is contagious and makes me believe I can do great things as well."

For his future, B hopes to attend Virginia Military Institute and become a military officer.  On the school's website, they state "Virginia Military Institute is distinctive in the world of higher education because of its mission to prepare educated, honorable, and steadfast leaders."  I hope that VMI sees in B what his parents, neighbors, teachers, and all of us at Hope For The Warriors® see--a young man who is already an honorable and steadfast leader.  Thank you B!

Hope For The Holidays

Christmas is an amazing time of year for children.  Even when children get past the age of believing, there is always hope and excitement surrounding this day. 

For parents, the feelings can be very different.  The shopping and searching for that perfect gift can be very stressful.  As we shop, we wonder--am I buying too little or too much? Will my kids like their gifts?  Will these gifts mean something to them a few months from now?

When a family is having financial difficulties, Christmas can be even more stressful.  Then the parents start to wonder--how can I pay for this or how are we going to put anything under the tree?

Many of our military families are already struggling during a time of transition and uncertainty.  We want to ensure that the holiday season is a celebration for the entire family, not a source of stress.

This year, Hope For The Warriors® has created the Holiday Giving Initiative.  We are matching up families that need assistance with families or companies that would like to donate to make this holiday time special.  We have 13 families in need that we are still trying to match with a donor.

We are running out of time!  We have set a deadline of December 16 so that we can get the Visa gift cards to these families and give them enough time to purchase gifts for their children.  If you would like to help, please let us know today!

To learn more, email Leslie Hunt.  To donate, visit our donation page and include "Holiday Giving Initiative" in the comments.

Thank you and Merry Christmas!